Story of Hope By Frankie Blanco-Dizon

Magandang hapon po sa inyong lahat.  Pasensya na nanginginig yung boses ko…  

Actually, I’ve been trying to get out of this speaking engagement the whole day but I couldn’t get Kara alone and say that I chickened out.  So here I am… 

I’m Frankie Blanco-Dizon.  I was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1999.  But I was training to become a surgeon…. I’m sorry…  I was aspiring to be an instrument of God’s healing.  I was 28 then but I never asked ‘Why me?’.  I’ve already seen so many patients with cancer.  Young and old, rich and poor, housewives, professionals, Ilocano, Visaya, Bicolano, Tagalog…  So I never asked why me.  Why anyone?  There’s just no answer to that question.

So I became a patient instead of a doctor.  But I was a really blessed patient because I had so many doctors.  They didn’t always agree with each other.  Sometimes, you know, they give advises that differ from each other.  But they always gave me valuable advice and they allowed me to choose my course of treatment.   

I submitted myself to surgery, to chemotherapy and later on to hormonal therapy.  But I was eager to get back to residency.  I was so focused on becoming a surgeon.  At that time my doctor told me to wait even just 6 months before resuming life as a resident.  6 months of not doing anything was very difficult for me.  After spending almost 24 hours, 7 days a week at the hospital, I had nothing to do.  At that time I was very hesitant to become a public advocate for breast cancer.   

I think it was at that time that Kara was, that Kara was organizing I Can serve.  And she was gathering information to produce the first copy of the book.  I shied away from all that.  Instead, I spent the 6 months strengthening relationships.  I saw lot of old friends.  I visited a lot of my relatives. 

So in short, the 6 month was all spent trying to regain communication and regain ties that were lost during residency.  Soon enough, I was back in the hospital.  But this time no longer as a patient.  By immersing myself again in work, I hoped that I could close that chapter and leave the past behind.  I tried to help individual patients as much as I could. But I really did not like to be in the public view.  And you know why….  I used to blame it on Tamoxifen.  I would cry when angry, cry when sad, cry when  happy.  I cried all the time.  I’m still crying…. 

But even during residency I was invited to speak at a support group for breast cancer survivors, and… like I’m doing now… I was crying and crying while talking.  So it was after my talk when one of the patients came up to me, I’m not even sure if she’s here now, and said ‘Doktora, it’s been 2 years since I was diagnosed and look at me now.  I’m fine and I’m doing well’. 

Unfortunately, going back to the hospital was not the most nurturing environment for someone who had just gone through cancer.   

At the hospital, you see patients who are ill.  You see patients who are not doing well.  You see patients who are struggling.  You don’t see patients who are out living productive lives.  So it was… So although I was learning a lot about the science of breast cancer and the science of treating breast cancer, I was not learning very much about becoming whole, becoming a whole person.   

I think that the most learning that I got about breast cancer, actually came from the patients not from my time at the hospital.  Patients, like Ma’am Tessie, who have having refused all medical treatment has survived.  By God’s grace, she’s still here with us today. 

At that… After finishing my training as a surgeon, I decided to go to Cagayan de Oro to start practicing there.  One of my patients was a breast cancer survivor also.  But she had been diagnosed while pregnant and like my Ma’am Tessie, she had Metathesis to her liver.  She refused any kind of treatment.  After having gone through, after having met with several doctors who told her that ovum cancer could maybe prolong her life that there was no cure.  So she left.  She left the hospital with that in mind.  Although her family tried to, tried to give her all sorts of alternative therapies she had already lost hope.

At that time, I was writing to Kara and I was asking …how do I give hope to a patient like that?  As a doctor, I had seen many patients die.  And you know, as for doctors, dying is a bad thing.  We have morbidity and mortality conferences.  We talked every patient that dies in your hands is talked about.  Okay?  We discussed every detail – the meds given, the course of the patient.  It’s a bad thing for us doctors.  We feel bad afterwards.  We don’t want to let go.  

So shortly after I encountered that patient, I noticed there were recurrence in my lymph nodes… and found out that I also had metasthesis to my bones.  After that, I almost gave up and just cried and cried and cried and I’m still crying… 

Kara was always there texting me, e-mailing… I became part of the I Can Serve e-list where I heard stories of many, many individuals.  Different stories but all full of hope.  These stories that I did not see in the hospital environment that I was not able to experience in my training.  And surprisingly, after maybe 6 months, I stopped crying until now.  I mean, except for now.   

So for a while, it just went away. It was like there was a storm. The storm had passed and it wasn’t there anymore.  And I was able to resume my practice.  I’m still practicing now. I still have very good doctors who are taking care of me.  And I guess, when I was asking God ‘How I could bring hope to patients who are Stage 4 and who had, by medical standards, shorter life expectancy’.  This was the answer. 

Thank You. 

Frankie Dizon passed away July 16, 2006